It has come to my attention that there are men in SF in my age range who don't know the correct way to respond when a woman declines a proposition of sex. As a PSA therefore, I offer you:

Right:
1. Oh, cool. Thanks so much for telling me.
2. Optional: Rock on. Let me know if you ever change your mind, kay? In the meantime, I'll go sit over there.

Wrong:
1. Oh shit, really? Wow, that makes me really sad. Damn, that's a bummer. Because I was counting on having sex with you-- I was assuming we were gonna. Let me tell you more about how that makes me feel...
2. (10 minutes later) So, do you wanna blow me now? No? (10 minutes later) How about now?

Rationale:
You might be wondering why the right answers are right, and the wrong answers are wrong. If you live in SF, and you are my age range (> 35) and you are wondering this, you are a damn-fool who should not be dating. I am not going to bother to explain the ethical and interpersonal reasons to you. I will, however, give you a few practical reasons:

1. You will not be invited to my parties.
2. I will have a little chat with any young woman I see talking to you, letting her know that you are a risky person to go out on a date with, and telling her why.

Hopefully unnecessary caveat:
1. This is written with a particular creepy dude in mind, a member of my extended aquaintance.
2. It in not written about you, fabulous gentleman on my f-list.

xoxo

Nabil

Turtles

1
A friend told this story about snapping turtles:
One lived in the lake below his house.
He saw it sometimes, lumbering through the shallows,
Hunting, morosely, for something to eat.

2
A year later
He found a second turtle on a highway.
He brought it home and watched it
Crawl down the lawn.  Unblinking, it entered the water.

3
Next morning:  a splashing on the far shore.
He ran for his field-glasses and looked:
In the ripples the two turtles were playing,
Mouthing and nuzzling, rolling over in the mud,
Their dank limbs hugging,
Like two bears honey-trunk, except
These were not bears but the thick reptile:  turtle.

4
Later
They swam away, and the surface of the water
Closed above them, shaking like fire.

5
I eat no meat.
I break no leaf in idleness.
I listen to the rocks breathing
In the wet meadows.

6
When I heard this story, I said:

The dead have no eyes.
The dead can cherish nothing
But their own white bones.
That is what being dead is.

7
But there is a way, one,
To live forever.

I just received the sweetest message from my pal Robin-- at Gender Euphoria in Vancouver, there was a Heroes wall-- and someone had posted my name on it.

Thanks for letting me know, Robin.  That made my day.

I'm thinking back to the work that I did for trans folks, Arabs, Muslims, and folks of color.  Mostly in the 90s, mostly through True Spirit, with some also through Bint el Nas and El Fatiha.  It's funny, I've never really able to give myself credit for the work I did.  It was always so clear to me what I wasn't doing-- that other people were doing so much more then I was-- and that there was so much work going undone.  I never felt that I was doing enough.

But it was difficult work.  Probably not a lot in terms of the number of hours, but a lot in terms of difficulty.  I did a lot of first things-- to my knowledge, I set up and moderated the first listserve for trans folks of color-- was the first contact person/ hub for trans Arabs and Muslims-- organized events for trans folks of color at True Spirit for some years.   To my knowledge, the first English-language erotica featuring an Arab ftm and a Muslim lesbian.   Firsts are always hard; and these were really hard.  It was damn well terrifying to be listed online as a contact for trans Muslims-- I was quite aware of the folks who've been harassed and murdered for similar things.  It was really hard moderating the listserve and organizing the events-- I was seldom thanked, and often criticized-- I quit at the point that I was frustrated to the point of anger with the people I was trying to serve.  I removed my online writings after the hateful emails and threats that followed 911.

There were some people who said thank you.  The award True Spirit gave me-- that I wasn't there to receive, because I was dealing with a crisis with day care.  The lovely art that Mary and Nida gave me, in thanks for my work on Bint el Nas.  Emails from women and trans folks in the Arab world thanking me for being visible.  The court case that I helped to win-- asylum for a trans man from a small Lebanese village.  I was always deeply moved to hear that my work mattered, that it helped.  That the frustration and fear were worth something.

I'm still moved.  I'm really really glad.

xoxo

Nabil

Please tell me how you see me here: 

xoxo

Anybody have current contact info?

xoxo

N

* In war, it is immoral for a winning army to continue killing once it has won.
* In politics, it is immoral for a politician to spend more time pandering to those who opposed him then to those who voted for him.

Through my lifetime, the Democratic party has consistently spent more time compromising, working with, and pandering to Republicans then to Democrats.

This has led to the Republican party becoming more right-wing, the Democratic party becoming more right-wing, massive growth in inequity in the US, financial collapse, vast harm to the US public school system, decreased access to health care, increased homelessness, increased militarism, the growth of the prison industry and the percentage of Americans in prison, and a host of other horrible ills.

I wouldn't say it has gone well.

Since Obama has taken office, he has continued the Democratic party's strategy of reaching out to Republicans, while ignoring the concerns of those who voted for him.

1.  On torture, wiretapping, and government secrecy: Obama has reached out to a number of pro-torture advocates, appointing them to important policy and advisory positions. Since then, he has made pretty speeches about how the US does not torture. He has also moved to create a system of "indefinite detention", where terrorism suspect can be held indefinitely without a trial, on the grounds that they are a threat to the US if released. More recently, he has also pressured Congress to create legislation allowing the President to prevent the release of photographs of tortured detainees, even if FOIA has declared that they must be released, if the President says that they are a threat to American security. Links are to Glenn Greenwald's blog, which is an excellent resource on civil liberties.

2.  On the economy, Obama has violated his own ethics guidelines, seeking common ground with economists who are entrenched in the banking industry and appointing them to policy and advisory positions.  This has led to bailouts that provide a massive wealth transfer to the richest people in the country, and warnings from all kinds of folks-- including IMF officials-- that the US has fallen into the trap of oligarchy which regularly destroys the economies of developing world companies.

3.  On health care, Obama has reached out to the health insurance industry, seeking common ground.  He has also reversed his earlier position that single-payer health care is the best way to attain universal coverage, and removed single-payer as an option under consideration.

4.  On reproductive rights, Obama has reached out to anti-choicers, seeking common ground with them.  Most recently, an anti-choice religious leader has been appointed to a senior position at the HHS,  I have not yet heard of Obama making a statement that the domestic terrorism of Christian pro-life activists against doctors is unacceptable, or any statement of how he plans to protect health care workers from terrorists.  If he has made such a statement, or done anything to protect health care workers, please do let me know.

Like most folks I know, I've been eager to extend Obama the benefit of the doubt.  And the man does make a pretty speech.  For someone who hasn't been in an office a year yet, though, I'm seeing a disturbing trend in what happens when he reaches out to find common ground with right-wingers and Republicans.

I think it's absolutely crucial to put Obama and other Democrats under tremendous pressure from the left.  I want to be part of that.

What do I want?

1.  Kill off the Republican party.  Stop pretending that they're reasonable people, stop talking about finding common ground with them.  Emphasize the connections between right-wingers and murderers, terrorists, hate-mongers, and liars.  Don't let right-wingers to continue to pretend that they're not connected to the fringe of domestic terrorists-- they are.  At best they incite them with hate speech.  At worst they are them.

2.  Pressure the Democratic party from the left.  As right-wingers like Arlen Specter join the Democratic party, there's a real risk of it moving even farther to the right.  We already know the right-wingers are shrieking-- wehave to shriek at least as loud as they do to keep that from happening.  We need to use the full weight of our moral authority-- we do not support terrorists, and we do not lie-- and the full weight of our political victories-- Obama won with more of a majority then Reagan, who ushered in thirty years of Republican rule.  (Note Reagan didn't do much compromising with lefties.)  We also have to mount primary challenges to Blue Dog Democrats, kick them out of Congress and replace them with lefties, while also working to enact meaningful legislation that reduces the current bribery of our politicians by corporations.

3.  Start an actual left-wing party that advocates for folks run by and for folks who aren't millionaires.  I don't know how you go about killing a party and starting a new one in the US, though I know it's happened before.  Any historians on my flist wanna help me out here?

xoxo

Nabil

Press release from Catholics for Choice-- original here: http://catholicsforchoice.org/AntiabortionAdvocateAppointedtoHHS.asp

Antiabortion Advocate Appointed to Senior Position at HHS

Washington DC - Jon O’Brien, president of Catholics for Choice, issued the following statement today about the announcement that Alexia Kelley had been appointed to be Director of Faith-based and Neighborhood Partnerships at the Department of Health and Human Services:

The antichoice organization Catholics in Alliance for the Common Good (CACG) has announced that Alexia Kelley, its co-founder and former executive director, has been appointed to be Director of Faith-based and Neighborhood Partnerships at the Department of Health and Human Services. Ms. Kelley’s appointment would be a defeat for reason and logic and calls into question whether President Obama’s administration is serious about reducing the need for abortion. And, while it may not gain many headlines, the impact and significance of this appointment should not go unnoticed.

“If Ms. Kelley had been appointed to another position in the administration, there might be less reason for concern. However, the Department of Health and Human Services is responsible for providing and expanding access to key sexual and reproductive health services. As such, we need those working in HHS to rely on evidence-based methods to reduce the need for abortion. We need them to believe in men's and women’s capacity to make moral decisions about their own lives. Unfortunately, as seen from her work at CACG, Ms. Kelley does not fit the bill.

“A look into Alexia Kelley’s leadership of CACG reveals a vehement antichoice stance that is focused on reducing the number of, not the need for, abortions. In voter’s guides the organization Kelley led characterized abortion as akin to war or torture. You can learn more about Catholics in Alliance here.

“From the beginning, Alexia Kelley directed CACG to ignore the question of access to abortion and reframe the debate in terms of reducing the number of abortions—although polls consistently show that the majority of Catholics support abortion rights. This language around reducing the number of abortions should be a huge red flag to anyone who believes in and seeks to defend a woman’s right to choose. While evidence-based prevention methods can go a long way towards reducing the need for abortion, some women will always need access to safe and legal abortion and we must recognize that and ensure public policies support that access.

“Alexia Kelley is on record with her support for restrictions on access to abortion, despite her organization’s efforts to avoid the question of legalization at every turn. In an audio press conference prior to the 2008 election, Ms. Kelley agreed with other speakers who spoke out in favor of restrictions on abortion, saying, “Catholics in Alliance supports these restrictions as well.”

“Under Kelley’s leadership, CACG used flawed economic data to support anti-poverty measures as a means to reduce the number of abortions. While such measures are obviously beneficial for many reasons, poverty reduction will not by itself reduce the need for abortion. As Ms. Kelley’s group opposed evidence-based prevention methods such as contraception and comprehensive sexuality education, its “abortion reduction” rhetoric is simply a newly packaged antiabortion message.

“Rhetoric around “finding common ground” (or common good, as Ms Kelley would have it) and “reducing the need for abortion” has framed the abortion debate for the past few months. While this rhetoric and subsequent efforts may indeed help to move us past the culture wars over abortion and contraception, it is dangerous when these efforts devolve into an abandonment of ideals. In appointing an antichoice advocate to a key position in HHS we are seeing crucial principles abandoned—principles upon which so many men and women rely to lead healthy lives.”

-###-

Catholics for Choice shapes and advances sexual and reproductive ethics that are based on justice, reflect a commitment to women's well-being and respect and affirm the capacity of women and men to make moral decisions about their lives.

I wanted to say thank you to my Christian friends who have been helping me as I struggle with the anti-Christian feelings that have come up for me after Dr. Tiller's murder.

Thank you especially to goodbadgirl-- you are such a good person, and I appreciate you so much-- the compassion you brought to my question, your willingness to tell your stories, to speak kindly in the face of my anger and aggression and defensiveness, and the bravery and honor you always show-- I just can't thank you enough. I love you. I so desperately hope that things improve for you soon.

Thank you also to the commenter who reminded me that Dr Tiller was Christian; that he was, in fact, murdered in his church. The more I read about him, the more I honor and respect his ethics, compassion, and life. He risked his own life to help women in the most desperate circumstances. I must assume that his life and his choices were intertwined in his own Christian faith.

xoxo

Nabil

So, I was pissed off at the description I heard of Obama's recent speech that we all just need to hold hands and sign Kumbaya with the anti-choicers. And pretty shortly after that speech Dr Tiller was murdered by Christian terrorists, and I'm even more pissed off. Obama, you are being pretty deeply offensive right now to say that pro choicers have common ground with pro lifers.

1. We don't assassinate people in church. Seriously, I have never heard of a pro choice person murdering a pro life person, not in church like Dr Tiller, or in a synagogue like the last doctor murdered by pro life terrorists, or anywhere else for that matter.

2. We don't claim to want to reduce abortions, while opposing contraception and sex ed. There is no national group of pro lifers that supports contraception and comprehensive sex ed. There are individual pro lifers who support contraception and comprehensive sex ed; rock on, I have no beef with you. But the national groups all oppose contraception and comprehensive sex ed-- this means that they don't actually want to reduce abortions, they just want to make sure that women suffer for having sex. They'll lie about it though.

For more information, check out Amanda Marcotte's recent piece on a training program for pro lifers on how to talk to college students-- they're advised to pretend that they support contraception, and pretend that they care about the lives of women, in order to soften up the target to be receptive to the ultimate message: http://www.rhrealitycheck.org/blog/2009/06/02/the-prolife-movements-hot-rhetoric-and-allout-lies

3. We don't make death threats to pro lifers, gather outside their churches and wave signs and scream that they are murderers, epoxy the locks of their churches shut, or otherwise harass them. We don't try to force them to have abortions. Many of us feel icky about abortion, too-- but we fight for the right of women to choose what they want to do with their bodies.

It's offensive bullshit, btw, to call the routine behavior of anti choice organizations non-violent. I have a friend who did nonviolent protest of a gay-hating church in Virginia; he talked to me about the discussions in his group on how to avoid looking at the folks they were protesting in a way that would hurt their feelings, he and his friends wanted to avoid "violence of the eyes." For more information on the violence that doctors and nurses are exposed to every day, check http://www.salon.com/mwt/broadsheet/feature/2009/06/02/susan_hill/index.html and http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2009/06/01/george_tiller/

4. Obama, I hear that you brought up an example of two people who disagree, but work together to solve a real problem. And that you gave the example of a gay activist and an anti-gay Christian who work together to reduce HIV. What a lovely little fairy tale! How unfortunate that you chose an example that has never happened. How interesting that you were not able to give a real-life example of a gay activist and an anti-gay activist working together to do good-- a real-life example of two people who have names, who actually exist in reality-- BECAUSE THERE ISN'T ONE.

I would love to live in the fantasy world where pro choice and pro life people are both ethical, loving, compassionate people working together to cause positive change. That's not where I live though. I live in a world where ethical, loving, compassionate pro choice people have spent thirty years trying to compromise with lying, murdering terrorist who pay lip service to compassion and justice, but undercut it in every way. How fortunate Obama is that he hasn't worked in reproductive justice long enough to learn that the national pro life movement doesn't argue in good faith-- that it pretends to be about reducing abortions, while actually campaigning to eliminiate contraception and enforce abstinence only sex-ed. How deeply offensive that Obama isn't listening to, or acknowledging the work of, the people who have been working in reproductive justice for thirty years, and have learned that you can't compromise with pro-choicers. In the immortal words on Molly Ivins, Obama, time to dance with who brung ya. Quit disrespecting the people who voted for you in order to placate the lying murderers who didn't.

I may have common ground with individuals who aren't comfortable with abortion, but are reasonable human beings. I have no common ground with the lying, murdering terrorists who run the pro life movement in the US.

xoxo

Nabil

explanation of why that lady said that stuff about gay marrige at that beauty pageant. turns out she's one of us.very funny.

( Read more... )

 amazon (googlebomb)

ganked from badgerbag.

http://www.eff.org/about/opportunities/jobs/membership

EFF is seeking an energetic, enthusiastic, experienced Membership Coordinator for supporting EFF's current 14,000+ members and to help grow our membership.

Also a Sys admin

http://www.eff.org/about/opportunities/jobs/sysadmin

The ideal candidate must have three to five years of systems administration experience. In addition, the candidate must meet or exceed Sage level "Intermediate/Advanced." (See: http://www.sage.org/field/jobs-descriptions.html#Intermediate .) 

Hi everyone,

I know a lot of us have been really sickened by the murder of Oscar Grant by BART police.

Color of Change is working to try to make sure that BART introduces a civilian oversight board. This seems like a pretty crucial thing to me-- there needs to be some way that cops are accountable to the community they are charged and paid to protect.

I just signed this online petition, you might want to also take a look: http://www.couragecampaign.org/page/s/NeverAgain

I gotta tell you, I keep thinking of the fact that Oscar begged the cop not to shoot him because he had a baby girl-- the cop murdered him anyway.

If you hear of any other things that I could do to possibly help, please pass them on.

xoxo

Nabil

that obama chose to glorify a gay-hating, anti-choice creep of a preacher at his inauguration ceremony.  but it is a real bad sign.

the reason it's a bad sign is that i'm looking at 3 decades of democratic politicians taking lefty votes for granted, shunning us, while courting right-wingers who always vote republican.  this is part of what has fucked up this country so bad; 30 years of driving to the right, working on destroying the middle class, giving charity to the rich and screwing the rest of us.

in the immortal words of St Molly Ivins, dance with who brung ya. 

i don't cook very often.  i microwave stuff from trader joe's a lot, and i order a lot of pizza-- not so much with the cooking from ingredients.  last night i made a pumpkin soup and it came out well and i want to commemorate it!  (it was a little bland-- i'd probably add ginger if i did it again-- but still pretty yummy.)  i looked up a couple recipes on epicurious and sort of improvised from them.

ingredients:

• mediumish small pumpkin
• 1 red apple
• 2 cups water
• 1 cup half and half
• some cinnamon sticks
• allspice to taste
• cloves to taste (not much!)
• 1/4 cup maple syrup
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 1 cup sour cream

Things I didn't have that I bet would make it better:

• ginger
• lemon juice/ orange juice
• possibly some garlic
• possibly some curry powder if you wanted it spicy!
• possibly some curry powder

equipment:

• you'll need a blender or a food processor or something for the pumpkin.

directions:

1. chop up the pumpkin, scoop out the insides, put the seeds aside if you want to eat them later or else throw them away if you don't.  chop up the apple.
2. put the pumpkin and the apple through the food processor or blender.  they don't need to be liquid at the end, but they should be in very very small pieces.
3. dump the pumpkin, apple, water, half and half, cinnamon sticks, and allspice into a saucepan and bring them to a simmer over medium-ish heat.  whisk them obsessively while they're getting up to simmer.
4. while they're getting up to a simmer, mix the cloves, butter, and maple syrup together in a cup.
5. once the pumpkin stuff is simmering, whisk in the cloves and stuff.
6. let the soup simmer for awhile.  the recipe i used most heavily said 10 minutes, but i went more like 15 or 20 because it was a little watery.  during this time, whisk regularly.
7. when it smells good and looks cooked, but too watery, add the sour cream.  simmer for a few more minutes.  this will thicken it nicely.
8. if it's too thick, add water.  if not, more sour cream.

yay!  enjoy!

xoxo

nabil

Edited to add:  I don't care what you drink this with, but it is best served in a red Fiestaware cup on a yellow Fiestaware saucer.
Plus also it is good for brekkies the next morning.



 

hi loves,

the transgender day of remembrance is this week, november 20th, to remember the trans folks who have been murdered this year.  this year i'm thinking of Duanna Johnson, who just died suspiciously after being severely beaten by memphis police-- the beating was captured on tape and under investigation at the time of her death.  you can read more here:  http://transgriot.blogspot.com/2008/11/duanna-johnson-found-dead.html

what are folks in the bay area doing for the day?  want to join up?  it's not a happy occasion, but it's important to honor it.

xoxo

nabil

 

Hi kittens,

Life is calming down enough that I'm starting to think about writing
again. My friend Sarah recently asked me to write up something for
her website on androgyny, and I'm not really sure what to start, so
I've got a favor to ask. Do you have any questions for me about (my)
gender? Anything you've wanted to ask, but it never quite seemed like
the right time? I'm not entirely sure how to make it possible to
respond to this email anonymously, but I'm going to try to figure it
out, just in case you're feeling shy.

xoxo & thanks,

Nabil